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We did it! Bad Mums’ Club Launch Night

And breathe!..

Something I’ve not been doing for the past few months thinking about setting up Bad Mums’ Club. Can I do it? Am I mad? Will people really want to come? After all, this was an idea born out of a night in with a bottle of wine to myself ‘a la Bridget Jones’…should it have been buried with the hangover that followed?

No!

This year I made a pact to myself – it’s time to get scared again. You may have heard countless life coaches and ‘gurus’ spouting about ‘do one thing a week that scares you’, well I picked the mother of all scary tasks and now I’m glad I did.

On March 23rd 2017 over 50 women turned out for the launch of Bad Mums’ Club, none of them really knowing what to expect. I admit I was overwhelmed and moved at the turnout (in my head I expected about 10 people to show and that would have been made up of my relatives and close friends) but these were REAL people, most of which didn’t know me from Adam. To see them all together made me think – this really IS what Mums want – a place where you can go and be bloody honest for once, have a bit of fun and enjoy being YOU again.

And so the night began…

Mums who arrived on their own felt their nerves ease as they enjoyed the complimentary glass of prosecco, those who arrived with friends in tow chatted eagerly, all were excited to find out what lay ahead.

I’ll admit I have never been as nervous as I was making my welcome speech to all the ladies. For me this is really personal. I can’t tell you how passionate I am about Bad Mums’ Club and when you feel so strongly about something you really want other people to feel it too. Standing up there and telling a room full of wonderful women why I wanted to do this was daunting, but they smiled, hell they even laughed along with me.

That’s when I knew I had done the right thing.

What followed was far better than my words – BBC Radio 5 live’s Sam Walker, our first ever guest speaker, was fantastic (although I knew she would be). Sam is a mum of two who juggles her career with being ‘mummy’. She overwhelmed me last year when she decided to live her dream, took a break from work and went off with her family to live in New York and Australia for a number of months so they could have the experience of a lifetime. That takes balls and it’s something I think as mums we often think we can’t do anymore – yet here she was doing it. Inspiring, funny and not sugar coating the hard times either…Sam was bloody brilliant!

More prosecco flowed, and why not, we are supposed to be ‘Bad Mums’ after all ; )

Then it was time for the ladies to mingle. They had all been given a coloured sticker when they arrived and now they had to get into groups depending on which colour they were. Some got to try out cocktail flaring first, others reflexology, face mapping and some ate cake – yes really! Local businesses had come along to give the mums a treat and unite the community – something I was keen for Bad Mums’ Club to do. After two hours of ‘me’ time it was hard to get anyone to leave. I was inundated with ‘when is the next one?’, ‘can we have a go at this next time?’ and above all it was just heartwarming to stand and watch women who didn’t know each other at the start of the night, forming new friendships.

So thank you ladies, this couldn’t continue without you. This is for you. This is for me. This is for everyone who has ever had a moment where they feel like they are not good enough. Raise your glass…to Bad Mums’ Club. We are launched and we are proud!

 

 

Featured post

Meta ‘Mum’ Phasis

***Bad Mums’ Club Public Health Warning***

We have been informed of an outbreak of Meta ‘Mum’ Phasis. It’s quite contagious and is something that can affect all Mums at some point in their life, some sooner than others.

What is Meta ‘Mum’ Phasis?

The moment you realise you have turned into your mother!

Symptoms:

Early warning signs include verbal ‘Mum’ diarrhoea to your kids, such as…

  • “Shut that door, were you born in a barn?”
  • “You’ll be laughing on the other side of you face”
  • “I’ve got eyes in the back of my head”
  • “If I have to tell you one more time…”
  • “There’ll be tears before bedtime”
  • “I’m warning you…”
  • “I’ll count to 10”
  • “If the wind changes you’ll stay like that”
  • “Well I’m NOT Molly’s Mum, I’m yours!”
  • “If you carry on like that you won’t be going anywhere”
  • “If you don’t finish your tea, there won’t be any dessert”
  • “I’m not asking you I’m telling you”
  • “Are you sure you don’t need the toilet before we leave?”

 

Possible side –effects:

  • Weekend visits to the garden centre and housing stores
  • Getting excited over buying a frying pan or juicer
  • Visiting pubs with soft play areas just to be able to finish a glass of wine
  • Falling asleep at the cinema when the lights go down

 

How long does it last?

Until the kids turn into teens and you enjoy a mid-life crisis phase and start wearing over the knee boots and dancing inappropriately on tables at nightclubs frequented by 21 year olds!

 Treatment:

 Gin to numb the realisation (double measures recommended).

 General Advice:

If you think you or someone you know has Meta ‘Mum’ Phasis act quickly, common symptoms can be reversed, through good friends and support. 

Meta ‘Mum’ Phasis  –  together we can wipe it out!

 

 

 

It’s ANOTHER kids party so I will cry if I want to!

 

Well, the party season is in full bloom isn’t it?

No, I’ve not had too many gins and think it’s Christmas again, I’m actually talking about kid’s parties. It seems once January is out of the way there’s an invite in the school bag every other week – my kids have more of a social life than me nowadays!

All this partying comes at a price though. If you count up all the kids party presents I bought last year I could be the owner of a shiny new pair of Louboutin shoes by now. As the kids get older the parties get more competitive too. Thanks to Daniel (indoor rock climbing party) Jess (ice skating party) Tom (jungle style assault course party) we are now under pressure to ‘up our game’. Bring back the Play Centre party days, even though I do remember muttering ‘if I see another soft play area I will throw myself onto one of its many plastic foam squares and have a meltdown’.

I shudder to think what my 7 turning 8-year-old will be asking for her party in July.

“Mum can I have Princess Pony Party with acrobatic performers who breathe fire…oh and can Little Mix come and perform…can they…pleeeease!”

Is it wrong that we have started asking our children just how much they like said birthday girl or boy when we get the party invite through?

It goes something like this…

“How MUCH do you play with them?”

“But would you say they are your FRIEND?”

“Do you REALLY want to go?”

It’s like our own unique version of Britain’s Got Talent, three X’s and they’re out!

Then if you do decide they can go it’s that age old debate (as The Clash so rightly put it) ‘should I stay or should I go’?

Stay, and you have to make parent small talk (perish the thought), go and you are labelled ‘that parent who abandoned their child’. On the plus side staying means you automatically inherit the leftovers of your kids’ party plate when they decline to eat the hot dog and chips on offer and instead shove every E number sweet in their mouth they can find.

Like all good things, it finally comes to an end, and god help you if you are the birthday boy/girl’s parent and haven’t provided a party bag (number one on the cardinal sin list)!

The kids are already red faced and wild at this point but those little bags send them over the edge. I mean it’s crazy how excited they can get over a mini pencil, rubber and a bottle of bubbles. And yes, however many times you tell your child to leave the cake until they get home it never quite survives the car journey does it?

Anyway I best go, in a role reversal I have got my own birthday party to plan as Bad Mums’ Club turns 1 this March and I can guarantee there’ll be the bottles of bubbles on the night that you won’t be sharing with the kids!

Keep posted for more news on our website www.badmumsclub.co.uk and Facebook page @BadMumsClubUK to join in with the celebrations!

 

 

 

 

All I Want For Christmas is GIN!

‘Tis the season to be jolly and also the one where you run around like a mad person trying to tick off everything on your child’s Christmas list and have palpitations when you hear the words ‘out of stock’. Remember last year it was all about the Hatchimals? Those bloody eggs had a lot to answer for and if you were one of the fortunate few to get one how long was it after they ‘hatched’ that they were abandoned by the child that wanted them more than anything in the whole world!

It’s not called the ‘silly season’ for nothing. Don’t even get me started on ‘Elf on The Shelf’ – the idea dreamed up by someone who thought us parents had nothing better to do in December than come up with mischievous things for the Elf to get up to overnight so the kids are amazed in the morning. The amount of times I’ve woken up at 2am in a hot sweat and realised I haven’t moved the Elf and spent the next 30 minutes smearing his face in mince pie and leaving the trail of leftovers across the living room floor! I have a feeling Elf might be taking a vacation back to the North Pole next year…

Talking of next year here’s a few of my Bad Mum resolutions for 2018:

  • Only drink wine on a Friday (not most bedtimes)
  • Put child in clean uniform daily
  • Lock the bathroom door when going to the loo so I can wee in peace
  • Stop skipping the pages in my child’s book at bedtime just to finish the story early
  • Keep the iPad fully charged, you never know when you are going to need that Peppa Pig marathon on it

And finally…

  • Strive to get enough sleep so that I don’t continually put my knickers on inside out in the mornings

If these last more than a week into January I’ll have done well.

In the meantime Merry Bloody Christmas…and pass me the gin!

 

 

 

Awards, car woes & Yoda!

It’s been about a year since I was inspired to set up Bad Mums’ Club after watching the movie Bad Moms and having an epiphany followed by a full bottle of wine! 12 months on, the Club has come to life, our last event sold out (and had a waiting list of Mums eager to attend) and now, lo and behold we are up for an award. It feels like I am Mum of three as this group has been my baby and I’m proud of what it has become. I’m not going to say it’s been easy, like any new addition it had its’ teething problems.

Firstly, trying to convince people who saw the name Bad Mums’ Club and thought I was leading women into a life of debauchery and not setting the right example. I even had one man send a Facebook post to our page saying I needed to ‘repent’…I didn’t, I just hit the block button!

We’ve since passed the ‘toddler’ stage where we were finding our feet and our voices and now we are enjoying our ‘primary school’ days, making new friends, developing, and growing all the time.

I’d love to take the credit for it all but it’s definitely our ‘Bad Mums’ who need that. Watching local Mums come together at Alkrington Community Centre for a well-deserved night off is a joy to see. Our Bad Mums’ Club is a place where it’s ok to off load your Mum guilt, take off your Wonder Woman knickers, drink prosecco, learn something new, meet local businesses, have fun and feel ‘normal’ again…even if it’s just for 2 hours!

Getting to the finals of the Aviva Community Fund Award has been amazing and to think our Alkrington Club has got some recognition is bloody brilliant. We need as many votes as possible to be in with a chance of winning and, if we do, the funding will help to buy our own PA system and invest on putting on workshops and demos that Mums want to try. We can only get to the next level with your support so please go to the link below and register your vote if you have a few minutes to spare (you can give us up to 10 votes…just saying).

www.avivacommunityfund.co.uk/voting/project/view/17-5341

Right, plea over – I sound as desperate as I am when I’m trying to persuade my 3 year old to take his wellibobs off at bedtime!

In other news, when do you have to stop claiming baby brain?

I’m clinging on to it this week after committing the cardinal sin of putting unleaded petrol in my diesel car (*hangs head in shame*). I chastised myself inwardly, lost a good chunk of money trying to rectify the situation and admit I was on the verge of tears. As ever though, I could rely on my kids to cheer me up. Looking into my little girl’s eyes I thought there’s more to life than money, it’s family that matters…that was until she piped up, ‘You won’t do that again will you Mummy. You’ve learnt your lesson!’

When did the mother-daughter role reversal happen? And whilst my 7 year old might be as wise as Yoda I’m thinking that Santa will probably start crossing things off that Christmas list she has wrote ; )

Till next time,

The Big Bad Mumma xx

Follow us on Facebook @BadMumsClubUK

Let’s get down to the Nitty Gritty

October has arrived – the month we celebrate Halloween by scaring the living daylights out of each other…cos it’s fun! Well, I guess it’s a good time to admit my worst phobia…the fear that has me waking up in a cold sweat.

NITS.

Yes, they start out as harmless little dots of eggs on your kids’ hair and become nasty creepy crawlies that just WON’T go AWAY! It’s happened to you hasn’t it? That dreaded moment when your child starts itching their head before bedtime and you freeze in the ‘scream’ pose realising you are going to have to go through the lengthy process of trying to destroy them. It’s basically a case of you or the critters. Inside I mentally put on a white vest (Bruce Willis style) grab the Nitty Gritty comb and shout “Yippie Ki-Yay Mother Lousers!”

But, here’s the fun bit, when you have more than one child the gift just keeps on giving – it’s like a constant game of pass the parcel. One minute you are sat there looking at your kids cuddling each other on the sofa, heads resting side by side, thinking ‘aww how sweet they look’ and the next you are dragging them apart like a mad woman realising there’s a happy louse leaping from one child to the next like an unwanted lodger!

Then there’s the added shame of getting ‘the letter’ from school in your child’s bag – How to get rid of Head Lice. Do they really think that sending you an A5 pamphlet will help? YES school I KNOW my child has nits and YES I’m bloody trying my best to get rid of them. If they want to do something useful then bring back the Nit Nurse, she’d take no prisoners or kids ‘head sore’ protests.

Oh, and then there’s the people who give you advice – who think they are helping but they’re not…

Don’t worry they only like kids who have clean hair.”  – Thanks, I kinda wish I hadn’t washed my kid’s hair since last Christmas now…

Have you tried that lotion from the advert?  – Yes I saw it, I bought it, I’m now £15 down and it didn’t work.

In case you are wondering, here’s what we tried:

  • Nit comb – 3 different types
  • Conditioner and nit comb
  • Every goddam nit solution you can think of (and they don’t come cheap!)
  • Tea tree oil in a spray
  • Oh, and there was a suggestion of frying the blighters with hair straighteners which I wanted to try but did feel a little queasy getting that image out of my head

And then the day finally dawns when you win…your child is ‘NIT-FREE’. You can once again walk the school grounds with your head held high and your childs’ hair not scraped back in a bun. You are victorious! You go to work with a spring in your step, pour a coffee (you can drink without it going cold), and then…it happens…you feel an itch…and another…and another…

Nits The SequelThey’re back and this time they want their revenge!

 

PS. Mums, don’t have nightmares ; )

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