Meta ‘Mum’ Phasis

***Bad Mums’ Club Public Health Warning***

We have been informed of an outbreak of Meta ‘Mum’ Phasis. It’s quite contagious and is something that can affect all Mums at some point in their life, some sooner than others.

What is Meta ‘Mum’ Phasis?

The moment you realise you have turned into your mother!


Early warning signs include verbal ‘Mum’ diarrhoea to your kids, such as…

  • “Shut that door, were you born in a barn?”
  • “You’ll be laughing on the other side of you face”
  • “I’ve got eyes in the back of my head”
  • “If I have to tell you one more time…”
  • “There’ll be tears before bedtime”
  • “I’m warning you…”
  • “I’ll count to 10”
  • “If the wind changes you’ll stay like that”
  • “Well I’m NOT Molly’s Mum, I’m yours!”
  • “If you carry on like that you won’t be going anywhere”
  • “If you don’t finish your tea, there won’t be any dessert”
  • “I’m not asking you I’m telling you”
  • “Are you sure you don’t need the toilet before we leave?”


Possible side –effects:

  • Weekend visits to the garden centre and housing stores
  • Getting excited over buying a frying pan or juicer
  • Visiting pubs with soft play areas just to be able to finish a glass of wine
  • Falling asleep at the cinema when the lights go down


How long does it last?

Until the kids turn into teens and you enjoy a mid-life crisis phase and start wearing over the knee boots and dancing inappropriately on tables at nightclubs frequented by 21 year olds!


 Gin to numb the realisation (double measures recommended).

 General Advice:

If you think you or someone you know has Meta ‘Mum’ Phasis act quickly, common symptoms can be reversed, through good friends and support. 

Meta ‘Mum’ Phasis  –  together we can wipe it out!




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