Can someone let me in PLEASE!

I remember teaching my Nanna how to use the VHS recorder when I was about 9 years old. Remember video recorders? I used to think ours was really cool as you pressed the eject button and the video came up out of the top like a spaceship (I was a very imaginative only child).

Fast forward to now and my days thinking I was super clever blur in comparison to what kids can do at just 5 or 6. I caught my 7 year old daughter in the garden last week looking like she was talking to herself only to discover when I asked her that she was ‘vlogging Mummy’ and could I say something into her iPad that would be entertaining so she could get ‘followers’. I don’t know what happened first, my mouth gapping wide open or me taking the iPad off her to check she wasn’t actually posting these for real to the whole of cyberspace. Thankfully she was just playing make-believe but where have the days gone when that meant dressing up in a costume or pretending you were a princess or superhero?

And then there’s our 2 year old son, who has discovered how to close the front door and lock it. How did I discover that, you ask? Well as Tuesdays are bin day where I live I was doing the routine of taking the rubbish bags out, with my little boy looking on as I went in and out of the door. Last bag dumped I turn to head back in and the door is shut. Not just shut…locked!

He’s locked the door…how’s he locked the door? He’s 2? I’m in my bright pink dressing gown. I have no make-up on. The key is on the other side of the door. And there’s not one window open. Argh!!

I push open the letter box.

Me: Let Mummy in the house? I can’t get in Darling.

He looks vacant, like I’m not there. He can sure as hell see me, I’m wearing bright pink!

Me: (Little louder) Come on sweetheart, I need to get in. Can you turn the key?…no don’t walk upstairs…come back. COME BACK! No, no I didn’t mean to shout, don’t wee on the floor (we are potty training right now). Just come towards Mummy.

He slowly walks to the door head hanging down.

Me: Now put your hand up to the key…

Son: I can’t reach it Mummy.

Me: (Through gritted teeth) Yes you can (you bloody locked me out in the first place). How about you turn the key the other way and when I get in you get a Haribo?

He looks up, stands on tip-toes and slowly turns the key in the door.

Bribery…it never fails, but who would have thought Haribo could open doors!

So here’s to all the clever kids who keep us on our toes on a daily basis. Stressed? Me? Never! That’s why our next Bad Mums’ Club meeting combines wellbeing and a bit of ‘you’ time now the kids are back to school (cheers all round)! Hope to see you there…if I can just figure out how to get out of this damn shed…

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